i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
