You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
