why didn't you poke me back
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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