I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
