Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
