my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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