I didn't shave. On purpose
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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