i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I would ride that face into the sunset
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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