Porn is love you can see.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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