I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
