Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
