im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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