Porn is love you can see.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
