Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
did i just pee glitter
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
