she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize