i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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