u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
