I just threw up on my dentist
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
