The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
