96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
