Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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