I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
