i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
