i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
