Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
