He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I think my moral compass just broke
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
