Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
