Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
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