Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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