My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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