Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
