But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just high enough for therapy.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
