I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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