Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
