i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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