I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
