Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Randomize
