gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
