I think my vagina is haunted
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
