Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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