she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Vodka?
Forever.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
