After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
