You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
