I wanna bring you to show and tell
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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