I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
