Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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