I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
