It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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