in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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