I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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