Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
