Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
