i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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