if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize