At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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