I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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