everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Someone shattered a urinal.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
