I'm gonna have a badass scar
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
