You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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