I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
