I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
