this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
