I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize