his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
