So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
